Unemployment

 is a bitch.

Even more so if you are used to earning your own money since you got off school. You didn't earn a lot, but you had enough for your expenses even after you have given your folks their monthly allowance. Then you moved out of the family home and moved in with your partner. Starting out was difficult, but you both got the hang of it. There were more expenses, but it was okay - you were splitting them. You had enough to spare for eating out or watching a movie without feeling guilty, knowing that you're footing half the amount.

Now you are stuck waiting for your partner's payday so you could spend all the money on food, rent, utility bills, groceries, and diapers. And because you do not contribute a single centavo to the household income, you feel like a burden even if your partner tells you otherwise.

You tell yourself that this was a choice you made. You could have gone back to working as soon as possible and hired a nanny. You could have chosen not to breastfeed and be a hands-on mother to a child who drives you crazy all day (and still wakes you up at odd times in the night just so you can nurse her back to sleep) you wonder where you get the energy to still love her to bits. Instead you put your foot down and said you were going to stay home with her until she's three or five, until you have reconciled yourself to the fact that it's okay to leave her with someone else for the entire day while you struggle to survive in the corporate jungle.

Sometimes you wonder what state of mind you would be in if you did decide to leave your child's to someone else's care. Then you hear a "Nanay, didiiiiii!" and you are snapped back to reality. You wonder no more.